Beyond Approval: Building a Life Based on Your Choices!

I am really conscious of the choices I make now because I know when I make a choice, I directly do not choose something else.

It has brought me much more clarity in my head.

As I stated in my previous article: There is no good or bad, only workable and unworkable, weighed by the outcomes that you want in your life and the purpose you create.

The more workable choices you will make, the easier life will get.

It wasn’t always that way, I was someone who wanted to please everyone, and could be highly influenced by group behaviour.

Following like a sheep, all because I wanted to be a part of the group.

All my life I was some sort of a misfit, don’t get me wrong I had friends, and I had fun but it always mattered to me if I was good enough, it always mattered to me if I was liked, I wanted to be seen and heard, seeking for approval.

To be honest I still have that feeling sometimes, why else would I write and send my articles or create content, if I didn’t want to grab attention in some sort of way I wouldn’t do it.

The big change happened on my way of doing it and the intentions behind it.

It changed my view for the better, here are some perspectives that I gained over time that made that change:

• We are the creators of matter

• Pain tells a story

• Prioritize, and cut the fluff

I will take you with me in what it really means.

We are the creators of Matter

Your current thoughts, and every thought you have ever had, are a collection of memories and ideas you learned since the day you were born.

Nothing you think, do, or say, including your language, is original to you.

Over the dawn of time, everything is created.

Everything you consume has influenced your perspective, everything you: See, Hear, Read, Experience.

How you act on it and what you do is therefore what you create.

What you create is what matters to you, why else would you create it?

How I think of it is that the answer to everything is "because?".

Something matters if you make it matter.

Saying "because" lets you think of all your own reasons and therefore you create your own answers.

If you only make the things matter that you create for yourself, the rest therefore immediately does not matter that much anymore.

This mindset shift changed a lot for me when it comes to seeking approval.

Now I seek approval from myself, that sounds narcissistic, but it helps for me because I am consistently upgrading my standards.

My surroundings grow with me or fall behind, it is workable.

It sounds hard but it is better for everyone in the end, why?

Because else they are holding you back or you hold them back on living their life.

Everyone lives in two worlds, their own and a shared reality.

From those two worlds, one is objective, that is the shared reality, and the other is your own, or your so-called own perspective.

If your perspective aligns with that of someone else, good, if not, let it go.

Pain Tells a Story

Value what you have, which means don't ever take anything for granted.

Being thankful and grateful has helped me appreciate life more!

There is one difficult problem: pain drives change!

People say never change a winning team, which is really short-sighted, because if your winning team loses, you'll wish you had changed.

Winning teams need to change constantly to keep on winning.

This is something that most people don't realize.

It's also one of the reasons that people often undervalue what they have until they lose it.

Most people don't prevent problems because they don't feel any pain, or don't see some things coming.

If they feel the pain, it's most often too late.

Feelings are indicators; they can indicate:

• Fear

• Sadness

• Happiness

That small undeniable feeling in your stomach can speak to you.

It's important to know what to do with those feelings.

They are aspects of life, indicators not the leading threads, acknowledge them.

They indicate that it may be time for change.

People want to stay the same, but if something feels uncomfortable, do it.

If something feels a bit weird, do it.

Look for the edges, to change constantly to become and stay the winning team.

Use the story pain tells you to your benefit.

Prioritize, and cut the fluff

People lie, no really, people lie a lot.

I think that really 80% of what comes out of people's mouths is a lie.

Why?

Simple, people lie to themselves, they want to make things seem better than they are, they want to look better than they are.

I am also one of those people, don't want to be one of those people but I am.

Saying that one small extra thing to make the truth a bit better, making an excuse for myself, I can't go to the gym because I had a busy week and need to rest.

Cut the fluff and call the beast by its name.

Address the elephant in the room.

You have workable and unworkable like I addressed at the beginning of this article, the excuses you make for yourself are unworkable.

Be uncomfortable, go for change, and search for pain.

Why?

In the end, it all does not matter.

It matters if it is important to you.

If it is important to you, do the work, get the results, and have no excuses for it.

If you have excuses it does not matter that much, but then don't lie about it.

Realize that choosing what matters to you gives you control and power over your life.

Experience the freedom and happiness that comes with understanding what truly matters in life, as an outcome not a goal.

If you don't have to put up with someone's mess, you have more time to focus on your thing that will be more fulfilling in the end!

You can prioritize what is important to you based on your matter.

Don't settle for less, I already made that mistake and believe it is only holding you back in the long term.

Stick to your values, principles, and priorities.

In this article, I am being really straightforward, so now I am going to be that too.

When this was of value to you, share it, because then it can also be of value to someone else.

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Create, take action, and go forward.

Life is what you make of it!

If you want more!!

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That's it for now.

I wish you a good day - Job Baltes.