Ditch the Drama: Build Kickass Relationships You Actually Enjoy

Most people, in general, struggle with relationships.

Particularly, many from Gen Z find relationships challenging due to a lack of commitment, open communication, and emotional intelligence.

Currently, I am proud of two relationships in my life: a healthy relationship with my girlfriend of 1.5 years and a strong friendship with my best friend of 8 years.

Before my current relationship, I had two others, each lasting almost a year.

Looking back, I realize there was some form of toxicity in those relationships, largely due to my mindset and communication style at the time.

• What changed?

• What did I do differently?

• What perspectives did I gain?

These are all questions that will be answered at the end of this article. We are going to discuss:

• What are you committing to?

• Acceptance

• Communication

In this article, I will use the terms "partner" and "relationship".

While most people will think about a romantic partner, the principles stated here can be applied to any relationship: business, friends, family, and of course, loved ones.

In every relationship, the other person is your partner.

What are you committing to?

A relationship in any form is also a commitment.

You make the choice to devote time and energy to something.

• But what is the meaning of a commitment?

• What are the things you are committing to?

One thing I've stated for myself in every commitment, is the commitment I have to someone's greatness.

This means being 100% open and honest, especially if they don’t want to hear it.

It means always trying to bring out the better side of a person, offering them a hand to help them reach higher, whatever that may mean for them.

If they have goals, you help and support them in achieving it.

If you devote your time and energy to a person, that also means that you say no to a lot of other things.

But what you say yes to with a commitment is building a future together, growing together, moving forward together.

It works best if you have a commitment to each other, your partner to your greatness, and you to theirs.

Then you can also have goals together, something you both want to work towards, a project of some kind, or something you want to achieve.

When I was still in theater school, I made a dance play with my girlfriend.

I wasn't conscious back then of what I am writing now, but doing that play together brought us a bit closer and helped us learn more about each other.

We had a project together, to work on something and were committed to doing it better.

A good combination to have.

Acceptance

Understanding that you have to accept your partner is not rocket science.

But have you ever thought about the way of accepting someone in general?

People always tell you to accept someone as they are, but have you ever tried to accept who someone is not?

If I take myself as an example, I am someone with ambition, and I am not someone with a lot of free time.

These are both things you have to accept to work better together.

Who you are can change over time and that is healthy.

If people never change, then you would still say that girls or boys are stupid, just like in kindergarten.

So, what you need to accept also changes over time.

But by accepting, you can have an honest look at the situation.

To come back to the point of having a commitment to each other's greatness in combination with accepting someone as who they are not, you must never try to change the other person.

All you can do is extend a hand and it is up to them if they take that hand or not.

You must accept both, if they take it and if they don’t.

You don’t have to agree with the choice of the other, but you still need to accept it.

Putting this concept into practice was a major game changer for me.

It is not that I cared less, it was more like I could have more peace with the choices of others.

Accepting who someone is not, and accepting who someone is, can also be applied to opinions, world views, and perspectives.

It let me personally see and accept things more as they are.

Communication.

You cannot write an article about relationships without discussing communication.

The first thing you need to know about communication is: ALWAYS BE OPEN AND HONEST ABOUT EVERYTHING.

Never hold anything back.

Why?

Because in a relationship, you build a foundation based on the understanding of the other person.

If someone holds things back, you will not have a solid foundation to build upon.

If the other person accepts who you are and who you are not, you have no reason to lie or hold things back.

Another important aspect is always trying to understand the other person.

What is someone really saying?

Ask why!

Misunderstandings often lead to agreements.

Pay attention not only to the words but also to the thoughts, feelings, and reasons behind the words of the other person.

Say it out loud, "Do I understand you right if…?"

Check in with the other person.

I used to argue a lot with my older brothers.

The difference between now and then is that we were arguing against each other instead of trying to understand each other.

Lastly, but not least, the third most important part of communicating in a relationship is acknowledgment.

If your partner is seeking attention, give it.

If you're not able to give attention at that moment, acknowledge it, and give a reason why you're not able to at the moment.

"Hey, I see you looking right now. I am really busy with… I will be finished in 30 minutes and then I can give you my full attention, making our time spent more valuable."

By giving such an answer, you provide clarity to the other person by stating the situation and acknowledging the other.

What you should not do is ignore or not provide clarity.

This makes the other person feel less important and it will not help in growing your bond.

Connect and Grow

Relationships are complex.

I'm not one to judge, as I struggled with them at first.

The tips and tricks I share in this article are merely my humble opinions and have worked for me.

Seeing the difference they made in my own relationships makes it worthwhile to share.

Check in with yourself to understand your situation.

• What are the things you're committed to in your relationship?

• Have you discussed these with your partner?

• Have you accepted your partner for who they are, and more importantly, for who they are not?

• How is your current communication?

• Are you completely open and honest?

One of the things I've learned is to discuss all the topics mentioned in this article.

The most important thing is to talk about the things you don’t want to discuss, the uncomfortable topics.

That's how you truly grow!

All of this isn't a one-day, one-conversation fix.

Applying these tips takes time, but they've done wonders for me in my personal life.

If you know a couple that could benefit from reading this, share it with them, with their best interest at heart.

If you're new, subscribe to this article to have some free value delivered to your mailbox every week.

If you want more!!

• To connect with me for any type of questions or a quick chat, follow me on Instagram and send me a DM. Click here

• If you want to see more content and learn, you can subscribe to my YouTube channel. Click here

• Follow me on twitter/X if you want some daily knowledge to consume. Click here

• Same here for Tik-Tok. Click here

That's it for now.

I wish you a good day - Job Baltes.