Communication is something that everybody uses in their daily lives.

So why are a significant number of people so bad at it?

Nowadays, it seems like a lot of people lack communication skills.

I also needed to learn how to communicate in an effective way because I have always been an outgoing person.

Being outgoing can be overwhelming for many people, so I needed to talk slower and control my energy. It's still an ongoing process.

Before I delved into the world of communication to enhance my sales and teaching skills, I was unaware of how poorly I actually communicated.

• I took things personally way too quickly.

• Most of my conversations stayed at a surface level.

• I was not good at active listening.

• I asked weak questions.

• I learned less from conversations.

• I argued with people a lot.

• I talked a lot about myself.

This resulted in not having many deep and long-term relationships with friends.

I had a large social circle, but there was a lack of deeper understanding among us. Most of the time, our common interest revolved around drinking or going to the theater.

Because I communicated ineffectively, it led to the fact that most of the time the contact came from one side.

Now I understand why. Why would you contact somebody with whom you do not have a deep connection and who is not listening well? It doesn't sound appealing, right?

Here are 5 ways that can help you enhance your communication skills, as they helped me.

1). Always focus and give your full attention to the other person.

We usually spend about 95 percent of our time thinking about ourselves. The thing is, the other person is also doing the same.

If you are not focused on the other person, it's a conversation that keeps coming back to yourself. Release the "I" and make it about them.

Track how often you say "I" in a conversation or redirect the conversation back to yourself. This way, you can see how much you are making it about them or yourself.

When you don't make it about them but about yourself, you're essentially saying, "I don't care about your story. What I have to say is more important and interesting." If you frame it like that, it's kind of rude to not make it about them, don't you think?

I had some periods where I would talk a lot about myself. The fact is, people don't care and find it annoying most of the time.

I was on the phone with my best friend, and he pointed out that for 30 minutes straight, I did not ask how he was doing. I was rambling on and on.

He said that it happened more often in the last month and that it was annoying. We are not friends so I can talk.

It shocked me, and it wasn't nice to hear, but it was one of the most important things he could say. It made me conscious of my behavior.

I am still very grateful that he said it because it marked the starting point for working on it.

2). Always be open and honest.

It can be difficult at times to be open and honest, but in the long run, it will always pay off.

If a friend is not being honest about the shirt you're wearing and instead says it's nice to make you feel good, they may not be a good friend.

A true friend would not let you walk around in a shirt that they wouldn't even wear.

Being honest is the moral thing to do, like my best friend who called out that I was talking too much about myself. It's honest, and that's how you grow as a person.

If your honesty is sincere, people will always appreciate it and trust you more.

By pointing out things that others may not, out of courtesy, you show a level of integrity. It can be considered even more rude to not do so, and they found XYZ out themselves.

Be not only honest but also open. Being open doesn't mean you should involve everyone in your problems or shout things out loud.

It means for me:

If you have something bothering you or holding you back, say it. How will people understand you if you're not saying what's going on?

You're not talking too much about your problems or something. You explain what's happening, and that's why you're lost in thought. No victim role, no sobbing, just telling.

And if you cry, that's okay. You're a human with emotions. You never have to say sorry for that because "you never have to excuse yourself for who you are."

Being open also means being honest about the things you don't know. People appreciate straightforward and honest individuals. If you are one, they know exactly what they can count on.

Be open so that people can understand and rely on you. Be honest, sincere, and try to understand others. People appreciate that.

Know the difference between the facts and the stories about what's going on. You can read my previous article where I tell you more about that.

3). Do not take everything personally.

Life is not out to get you, and you're not a victim. If it feels like that, stop sobbing, take control, and take action.

You have control, and you can create the life you want. Being a victim will not make anything better and is only going to hold you back.

Do not take things people say personally. If someone's words hurt you, it means your own brain is giving meaning to what they say. That is why you're hurt.

It can mean two things:

• One, it is saying something about them. They feel the need to bring you down or reflect their own struggles onto you.

• Two, you need to look in the mirror. It hurts you because it's true. So, then you either accept that part of yourself or you do something to fix it.

Know that language is something made up to communicate, and the meaning of such language is also made up. You can choose how you interpret that language.

If someone is calling you names in a language you don't understand, you're also not getting hurt. Well, the same words that you can understand are hurting you. Well, that's dumb.

The meaning you give to something is the meaning you give to something.

So, once again, it's coming back to the two things said before. It is saying something about them. They feel the need to bring you down or reflect their own struggles onto you.

Or you need to look in the mirror. It hurts you because it's true. So, then you either accept that part of yourself or you do something to fix it.

So, stop taking things personally. It will not help you and will only make you a victim of your own life. The choice is yours.

4). Talk less.

This is one I personally find the hardest to follow and struggle with the most at the moment. But knowing the power of talking less, it's worth every effort to improve this aspect about myself.

If you listen to people who talk a lot, they tend to ramble on. A funny thing is that many of the things they talk about for 5 minutes straight could also be said in 1 or 2 sentences.

When you explain something in one or two sentences, it becomes simpler and easier to understand. Speaking too much can bore or cause people who are listening to lose interest.

It is important to keep your explanations short and engaging. Using fewer words to express ideas makes things:

• clear

• simple

• accessible

• more powerful

I always talked way too much, and sometimes I still do. But if you look deep down at why you talk so much, it often comes from a place of insecurity.

I am still working on saying less to say more because it is such a powerful tool and gives you much more control.

It makes you more mysterious if you say less, and if you say something, it's immediately more powerful. People will listen.

5). Ask more questions than you talk.

If you ask more questions than you talk, you will have control over the conversation. Your questions act as directions for where the conversation will go.

If you ask more questions, people will find you way nicer most of the time. As we stated before in this article, people like to talk about themselves.

By asking questions, you allow them to share their thoughts and experiences. You take on a more passive role in the conversation and still have control by asking questions.

This creates the impression that you are a generous person, even though you spoke less.

A big win of asking questions is that you learn more. The more you talk, the less you learn. What you say is what you know, what you ask is what you don't know or what you want a clearer view on.

3 questions that will help you get deeper in a conversation:

• What

• How

• Why

First, you can talk about what something is or was, or what they experienced.

Then, you can talk about how they did that something or achieved that something, or how it felt.

Lastly, you can talk about why they did what they did, why they think they felt that way, or why they think that something was happening.

With this framework, you can dive a bit deeper into the conversation. It helps you move beyond the surface-level of small talk.

If the conversation is:

• boring

• you lose interest

• or you don't learn anything

That means you are not asking the right questions.

I talked to my girlfriend's grandpa, and I only asked questions out of interest. I used questions like "What did you do on XYZ?" and "How did you do that?" and "Why did you do that?" It turned out to be the most enjoyable conversation I had that evening.

He became enthusiastic and shared all kinds of things he had experienced.

The questions like "What went through your mind when you were X?" and "Why do you think that was?" took the conversation to a deeper level. It's fun to ask good questions.

Go and implement.

Now we know that we need to give our full attention to someone when they are speaking in order to get on the same page and use active listening.

Always be open and honest in order to understand and be understood. You are who you are, and so is the other person.

Don't take things personally. They are just words, and we are the ones giving meaning to them.

Talk less.

Ask more questions. By asking questions, we can learn more and be more generous to most people.

All this knowledge is fine and fun to have, but if you do not apply it in your life, you will not enjoy it.

Do not try to apply everything at once, as it will not be effective. Begin with one thing at a time and work your way up from there.

If you have chosen which one you want to implement, here are some steps to follow:

• Recognize your own behavior (record something and listen to it back).

• Be alert for when it happens.

• Ask others to help you stay alert.

• Correct it.

Go and implement. If you found value in this article, I would appreciate it if you share it and tag me so we can together help the world communicate better.

If you want more!!

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That's it for now. I wish you a good day - Job Baltes.